Episode summary
Supporting Client Couples With Misaligned Engagement Levels, With Sydney Squires
Financial Advisor Success (Kitces)
· · 30 min · Hosts: Michael Kitces · Guests: Sydney Squires
Summary
The episode argues that client-couple engagement should be viewed as a spectrum, not just as one partner being “disengaged.” Sydney Squires says many couples operate with different levels of assertiveness and cooperativeness, which can show up as avoidance, competition, accommodation, collaboration, or compromise. The practical challenge for advisors is that a meeting can require two different communication styles at once, especially when one spouse dominates or the other barely participates.
Squires says the biggest risks are not only awkward meetings, but long-term planning and retention problems. If the more active spouse becomes incapacitated or dies, the quieter partner may be left without the confidence or context to manage the plan. She also warns that if the less engaged spouse feels unheard, the advisor may eventually lose the relationship altogether.
Her recommended fixes are mostly proactive: set expectations early, require both spouses when appropriate, send agendas in advance, use separate personality or risk assessments when possible, and tailor meetings to each person’s communication style. In the meeting, she advises starting with the less assertive partner, using reflective language with the more dominant one, and making room for both people to state goals clearly.
Key takeaways
- Sydney Squires says advisors should treat couple engagement as a spectrum, not just a problem of one “disengaged” spouse.
- Squires says avoidance, competition, accommodation, collaboration, and compromise are the key couple dynamics advisors are likely to see.
- She warns that a single financially active spouse creates succession risk if that person dies or becomes incapacitated.
- Squires recommends setting expectations early by requiring both partners in meetings and sending agendas in advance.
- She says separate personality or risk assessments are more useful than averaging a couple’s answers together.
- Squires advises starting meetings with the quieter spouse so the more assertive partner does not dominate the conversation.
Notable quotes
“I think that the really big takeaway is thinking about this engagement dynamic as a spectrum”
“the couple is operating on a different wavelength, right? And they're struggling to work cooperatively together”
“imagine a kind of two-way spectrum of assertiveness and cooperativeness, and basically low to high on on each of those”
“money skills are life skills”
“thinking about this engagement dynamic as a spectrum”
How the episode opens
I think that the really big takeaway is thinking about this engagement dynamic as a spectrum. Just because that then enables the advisor to not just be thinking about the less engaged client, but then also the, you know, more engaged and more assertive member of the couple.
Hello and welcome back to the Financial Advisor Technician podcast. I'm your host, Adam Ganduzin. On today's episode, we're going to discuss a common issue for financial advisors working with client couples, which is what happens when each member of the couple isn't exactly on the same wavelength when it comes to engagement or communication with the advisor or with each other.
For instance, one member might be the so-called family financial officer, while the other is deferential when it comes to making financial decisions. Or perhaps one member of the couple speaks openly during meetings with the advisor, while the other is more quiet. While it's rare for client couples to be equally engaged and share similar communication styles, when a couple is particularly misengaged, it can be challenging for both the advisor, who might wonder whether they are truly serving the needs of both partners, and the clients themselves, as one partner's goals or interests might dominate, perhaps creating strain in the relationship.
To help us dig deeper into this topic, I'm joined today by Sydney Squires, a senior financial planning nerd here at Kitces.com, to discuss a framework advisors can use to identify different types of client couple decision-making styles, the consequences of different types of mismatched engagement styles, and concrete tactics advisors can use to ensure that everyone is heard. Welcome, Sydney, and thanks for joining us on the Financial Advisor Technician podcast.
Hi, Adam. I'm super excited to be here. — Great. Well, so to start, perhaps you could begin by talking about exactly what you mean when you use the term misengaged couple and what it means in the financial advisory context.
From the episode’s captions: roughly the first two minutes, lightly cleaned. Keep watching on YouTube →
Topics
- misengaged couples
- financial planning engagement
- client meeting strategies
- setting expectations
- advisory communication framework
Watch the episode
Watch “Supporting Client Couples With Misaligned Engagement Levels, With Sydney Squires” on YouTube
Summary, takeaways and quote selection by Octagon. Quotes are short excerpts; the full conversation is in the episode.
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Financial Advisor Success (Kitces), this episode and its artwork belong to Michael Kitces. Octagon is not affiliated with the show; this page is an independent summary.
