Episode summary
Elliott Appel: Caring for My Father Put My Life on Pause for 7 Years. Here’s What I Learned
The Long View
· · 49 min · Hosts: Ben Johnson, Christine Benz, Amy Arnott · Guests: Elliott Appel
Summary
Elliott Appel argues that caregiving works better when families plan early, build in safeguards, and accept outside help. He describes how his father’s stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis led to a seven-year period of caregiving that later included cognitive impairment, substance abuse relapse, and repeated hospital and housing crises. Appel says the experience showed him that even families with modest means need practical systems, not just good intentions.
A major theme is making legal and financial authority usable in real life. Appel recommends durable powers of attorney that work with each financial institution’s own forms, adding trusted contacts, freezing credit, and avoiding joint accounts because they can create unnecessary risk. He also says elder care consultants, daily money managers, and support groups can reduce burnout and provide expertise when families are overwhelmed.
On health care and housing, Appel says the key is to learn a parent’s preferences early, then set boundaries when safety becomes the issue. He urges adult children to prepare a one-pager of medical information, communicate with nurses and staff strategically, and visit facilities in person. His broader takeaway is that aging in the U.S. needs more preventive care, better planning, and more intentional support systems.
Key takeaways
- Appel says families should use institution-specific power-of-attorney forms in advance so banks are more likely to accept them when a crisis hits.
- He recommends avoiding joint accounts because an adult child’s divorce, lawsuit, or creditors can expose a parent’s money to new risk.
- Appel says elder care consultants can handle everything from replacing a lost phone to coaching difficult family conversations and planning care transitions.
- He argues that freezing credit and reducing mailed solicitations can help protect aging parents from scams and impulsive financial mistakes.
- Appel says caregiver burnout is real, and setting both long-term and day-to-day boundaries is essential to staying effective.
Notable quotes
“I think the best way to think about this is when you go rent a car, for example, at an airport”
“I don't love this bringing durable power of attorneys out there because it's just one more burden to put on someone during an already hard time”
“We also wanted to spend a bit of time talking about estate planning and financial matters”
“I would not do that because you're introducing new risk for your parent”
“you have to set the boundaries that you are comfortable with”
How the episode opens
Please stay tuned for important disclosure information at the conclusion of this episode. Hi and welcome to the long view. I'm Christine Benz, director of personal finance and retirement planning for Morning Star.
And I'm Amy Arna, portfolio strategist for Morning Star. Our guest on the podcast today is Elliot Apple. He's a financial planner and the founder of Kindness Financial Planning.
He's also an author. His latest book is called How to Help Your Parents as They Age: A Financial Planner's Guide to Caregiving, which is a chronicle of his father's last years and the key lessons he learned along the way. He's also co-host of his own podcast called The Me and Money Podcast.
I really loved this conversation because Elliot provided so many tangible tips that people can use to help their parents and his personal story really provides a lot of color.
Yeah. Yeah. So, one of the concrete tips that I really liked was putting your parents on your own cell phone plan and why that can be really helpful if there's a lost phone or other issues that come up. So, you know, my husband and I both have aging parents, so I've added that to my to-do list for the future. So, let's get into the conversation. Elliot, welcome to the Long View.
Thanks, Christine. I appreciate you having me. — Well, we're really glad to have you here and excited to talk about your book, which is wonderful. We want to talk about the book and the backstory, but before that, can you talk about your work as a financial planner and what initially attracted you to that profession?
I loved financial planning because it married sort of the technical expertise of living in spreadsheets and planning and tax planning and estate planning with the real world and working with people.
From the episode’s captions: roughly the first two minutes, lightly cleaned. Keep watching on YouTube →
Topics
- elder care
- caregiving planning
- estate planning
- power of attorney
- caregiver burnout
Companies and tickers mentioned
- Kindness Financial Planning
Watch the episode
Summary, takeaways and quote selection by Octagon. Quotes are short excerpts; the full conversation is in the episode.
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The Long View, this episode and its artwork belong to Morningstar, Christine Benz - Director of Personal Finance and Retirement Planning, Ben Johnson - Head of Client Solutions, Amy Arnott - Portfolio Strategist. Octagon is not affiliated with the show; this page is an independent summary.
